someone threw a dead crab at me
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
