I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
