God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
