Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
