You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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