I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My balls are so social today.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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