Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm too high and old for this...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
