well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
