we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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