you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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