I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
