I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
