just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
