Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
