Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
