Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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