Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
