my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
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Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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