it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
