Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
