I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
