Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
