I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
