Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
