It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize