No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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