I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
