I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
