Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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