I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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