My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
