You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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