I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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