Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
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Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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