Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize