gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
