The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
