It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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