I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
