So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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