Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
