Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i already hear my dad disowning me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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