I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
