New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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