I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
