Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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