So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
