Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
