mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
