Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
