Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
