erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
