i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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