i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
