I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
