She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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