listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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