We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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