I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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