The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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