omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
