I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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