Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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