How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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