So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
