im six kinds of drunk right now
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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