guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize