I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
