It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We left the knife in your bed.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
