am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
